Being gay in India is no walk in the park. Rather,
it’s like walking a tightrope across a canyon, from realization to social and
personal acceptance. On one hand, you want to be true to yourself and be
content in the person that you are, but you also have to be on constant guard
against the fires of hatred and ridicule fuelled by ignorance and bigotry. It is debilitating, oppressive and crippling,
because you are being targeted for something that you have no control over. In
this risky and often harrowing strut through life, some manage to dazzle and
move forward with panache, white others hide behind inscrutable shrouds and
facades, yet others stumble and fall into disgrace.
The first thing that one needs to
understand is what homosexuality is. In the simplest of terms, it involves
physical and mental attraction of organisms of the same biological sex, as in a
male being attracted to another male and a female being attracted to another female.
It is not, as proclaimed by some, an unnatural thing, but something that has
been observed and verifiably proven to exist in over 1500 species of organisms
in nature. As such, it should be no surprise that homosexuality has been a part
of human existence since at least the observable history of humanity. If it was
not a natural phenomenon and was just a learnt habit, then how do we explain
the existence of decidedly homosexual elements in culture in civilizations as
varied as the Greco-Romans, the Aztecs, China, Japan etc? It is clear, if we look
at historical evidence in literature and art, that homosexuality was not
usually considered a deviation or abomination to social norms in most cultures,
but an accepted part of society, which did not need to be addressed especially
for scrutiny or discussion. In most instances, it was only after the coming of
the Abrahamic religions that homosexuality came to be viewed as a shameful and
abnormal thing.
What people fail to realize is that
homosexuality is not a sexual ‘preference’ or a choice. It’s not a lifestyle.
It is the sexual reality of a person, as much as heterosexuality, pansexuality,
bisexuality and asexuality. Though nothing concrete is yet to be established as
to what initiates and influences human sexuality and sexual identity, it is
fairly evident and generally accepted that it is something beyond one’s
conscious control, and is dependent on internal biology as well as certain
external stimuli. It is also untrue that homosexuality is a disease, that can
be cured with extravagantly idiotic procedures as shock-treatments and
exorcism. Just as a heterosexual person is what he/she is, so is the case with
people of alternate sexualities.
It is also necessary to dissociate
homosexuals from other sexual minorities like ‘transgender’ and ‘transvestite’. Gay men and women aren’t people where their
mind and body are contradicting in gender identity, or have chosen to change
their gender by means of surgery (or want to) because they identify themselves
as persons of the opposite gender. Homosexuals are, quite simply, people attracted
to individuals of their own gender, rather than the socially accepted ‘norm’ of
being attracted to people of the opposite sex. Moreover, it should be noted
that not all gay men and women are stereotypes. The only difference between a
typical homosexual individual and their heterosexual counterpart is in what
they are as sexual beings, and not on their personalities or attitudes towards
society etc. It is only a part of their being, and not their whole existence.
There is a lot of misconception about what homosexuals are and should be, and how
they differ from heterosexuals, in the minds of the common man. Pop culture hasn’t been particularly accurate
or intelligent (or tactful, for that matter) in the portrayal of homosexuals
and the truth of their lives, in as ignorant a population as ours. In fact,
they have managed to instill and spread ridiculous stereotypes and false
impressions about the gay community to the masses. Thanks to the erroneous
depictions of gay individuals in popular media like films, television and books
(not including the dire discourses of some of the religious ‘intelligentsia’),
the public takes it for granted that gay men are supposed to be perennially aroused
effeminate people merely a vagina away from being women. (Because let’s face
it, there’s nothing worse that can happen to a man in our society than be a
woman. wink wink.). A limp wrist, satin shirts in loud colours and prints and
exaggerated expressions that would put a soft porn actress to shame, are what
makes a gay man – if we are to believe the ever-so-accurate media. Gay men have
been used as comic relief in our movies for a long time, with downright
insensitive and insulting representations (by straight actors) being paraded
around in ghastly ensembles (in which no self-respecting gay man will be caught
dead in) without a drop of masculinity in them. While this may be the case with
a few individuals, let’s not deny it, an overwhelming majority of gay men
aren’t remotely like the idiotic characters we got in such films as Dostana, Partner, Bol Bachchan and Chandupottu. Of course, certain traits
commonly associated with the feminine gender are common in gay men and gay
culture, but that’s because of a close association and mutual inclusion between
the two, and nothing to be looked down upon. What people fail to grasp (and
leads them to say “but you don’t look gay!”) is that an average gay guy is just
that- an average guy. They all do not hate sports, and they all haven’t
mastered the Z-snap. All of them don’t have the fashion sense of Rachel Zoe,
and they don’t all universally worship Beyoncé
(though that’s a shame). They are just ordinary men, with the same thoughts,
the same feelings and insecurities, the same highs and lows and the same wishes
as every other person of their gender. I must add that heterosexual people
should stop worrying about being hit on by homosexuals, because that’s not
happening. No, really. If you’re not attractive to a person of the opposite
gender, chances are most homosexuals don’t fancy you either, as that’s just human
nature.
Being gay in India is tough,
especially if you’re from a small rural environment. You know that people won’t
accept you for who you are, granted that you yourself do first. All your
actions have to be carefully calculated as not to reveal your sexuality and
thus make you a viable target for ostracism and possible violence. So you
either stifle your reality under socially accepted facades of a marriage and
negate your whole identity into repression, or lead double lives behind the
charade of a family life, while engaging in sexual escapades with others in
secret. In the case of such repressed persons, forced as they are by society’s
hate and neglect, it often results in cases of sexual indiscretions on strangers
in crowded places or back alleys. When they find no other outlet for their
frustrated sexual urges, they let it out inappropriately on unsuspecting boys
or adolescents, strangers or even relatives. Most gay men simply lead secret
lives, away from the prying and judgmental eyes of the public, engaging in
covert sexual relations with one or more partners. Matters of monogamy and
safe-sex don’t even arise in some situations, because they think it all a waste
in a society that views them as unwanted entities. However, a lot of the
younger gay men have the freedom, opportunity and courage to come out to
accepting persons in their lives and live without the kind of crippling
self-doubt and fear that people before them had to go through. It’s also a good
thing that many in my generation and younger, particularly the millennials,
have shown a particular capacity to be more accepting and open to the realities
and variety of human sexuality, than their predecessors. It’s a step in the
right direction, though the battle is far from over.
Having a support group around you is
imperative for gay individuals. When all that you are is called wrong and
unnatural, and your very existence is negated and neglected, you need to have
those few points of light in the dark that can show your naysayers wrong. While
most gay individuals in India stay hidden behind thick walls, those few who do
come out (or have come out after the landmark decision against Section 377 back
in 2007, which was quite unfortunately turned back recently) and are open up about
their sexuality, to whatever degree they are comfortable with, have very few
venues to share their doubts and queries, and to have an open discussion on
matters that only someone from their own sexual orientation can have any idea
about. Feeling lost, rejected and dejected is common in homosexuals, because of
being told from the start that they are unwanted freaks, undeserving and
unlikely of satisfying personal relations in their life. To be able to confide
in and lean on at least a few individuals, whether they be parents, friends or
members of their own sexuality, can be a life-saver, a beacon in the darkest of
nights.
Recently, I read an article by a
bestselling Indian writer in a popular daily, about his thoughts on Section
377, which was on the whole very much in support of the decriminalization of
homosexuality in our country, which proudly proclaims itself as the largest
democracy in the world. Though a lot of his ideas and his heart were in the
right place, certain misconceptions about the queer community was evident in
it, evidenced from a request to refrain from flamboyant gay parades and shoving
homosexuality down the public’s throat. The LGBTQ pride marches across the
globe are not a vehicle to promote any ‘gay agenda’ or to engage in lavish displays
of gay lifestyles. It’s just a way to tell the world that they exist, they live
they are together and they have a voice, as degraded and ridiculed as they are.
It is meant to instil the titular pride in a person’s heart instead of the
shame and doubt that they have to bear. It is a way to show solidarity amongst
the community and to spread the message to closeted and troubled individuals
out there that they are there for you, and things are going to change for good,
as they must. It’s an opportunity for heterosexual individuals to show their
support for a just cause, and for them to mingle with their fellow beings of
alternate sexuality. It is also a way for the LGBTQ to show the general public
that they are here, that they are part of the community, and they are just
misunderstood and misrepresented.
It will take time for society to
forsake stigmas and accept the LGBTQ community as part of itself rather than a
cancerous tumour that ought to be removed, particularly when there are forces
at work, social, political and religious, that try to undermine rationality and
truth while spreading ignorance. It will, eventually, be possible for people to
see that not all gay men are all about sex and the physical acts of pleasure,
but are simply people wishing to exist and live as they are, unimpeded and
unobjected. I am looking forward to a day when gay people in India won’t have
to fear for their life and sanity, have the freedom to love whoever they want
and to not have to face the troubles and injustices of this new apartheid.
